Dread Poets Sobriety

You may want to eat something first, this is a marathon. An entertaining treat this afternoon! For some reason recently I found myself reading on Dante and his Divine Comedy. Not the variety practiced by Mitch Hedburg, though likely he could be found somewhere along the way.  Unsurprisingly I honed in on Inferno rather quickly. The imagery is delicious however the conclusions drawn are wildly delusional. Given the horror of the original writing I’m going to approach my own interpretation with the usual insouciant lense.

“Quick Jaunt South”, May 9, 2018.

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here

Dante’s inferno engendered great fear

Let’s take a peak at what you’d likely find

On a trip South, leaving Earth far behind

Limbo is first with its seven high gates

Unbaptized Christians and fine Pagan’s fates

Next up is Lust, not as fun as you’d think

Violently blowing wind storm never shrink

Gluttony follows, indulgence’s curse

Continue descent, sins still growing worse

Wandering deeper down you soon find Greed

Grasping at fortune is their only creed

The wrathful and sullen are soon in view

Anger’s vast continent frightens anew

Heresy next, Epicuris is here

Forever condemned, his conscience is clear

Violence follows with its three cold rings

Murderer, suicide, blasphemer swings

Fraud’s after murder in Dante’s cruel Hell

Into ten groups they are split us as well

In the last circle  does treachery rest

Endless frozen lake reserved for the best

Yes this was horrid in more ancient times

Now we know not everything’s true that rhymes.

I do love how everything is neatly divided into its own sections and sub sections. It’s like Hell is a Tupperware cabinet adroitly put away.

The violently blwoing winds found within Lust may or may not be the reason for their being.

His poem though, I imagine, has done far more harm than any good and is certainly an accurate depiction of the relative bleakness of times by any modern comparison. That’s depressing though and I want to talk about Epicuris.

You know when you’re randomly researching a topic for no reason and then run into anther item of equal non importance that must also be immediately investigated? Meet Epicuris. I was already naturally interested in what Heresy was supposed to be, beyond the article I’m currently writing of course, and he was a prominent figure encountered within that circle. A Greek philosopher of delectable intrigue, he believed all should live a tranquil and happy life. This was attained through the twin concepts of Ataraxia and Aponia, peace and freedom from fear/ the absence of pain, respectively. Presumably he was included in Hell due to his belief that death was final, the subconscious denial of which leads to most human neurosis. Sounds like a neat guy. A fine companion for an afternoon of eating grapes and lounging upon divans of exquisite pelts. That is how I picture all Greek life more than 700 years in the past. Do not correct me.

Thanks for making it all the way through an even crazier session than usual! If anyone needs me to sign their volunteer work-hours sheet just let me know.

If I have offended you with the rather blatant disregard shown should you harbor any of the sillier religious beliefs, I apologize. Please take solace in the knowledge that if I’m wrong my punishment will be eternal and probably vaguely unpleasant. Like drinking whiskey right after brushing your teeth.

-Alex Blaikie