Greetings peasants, royals and whoever in between. Election Day here in Ontario and boy is it a depressing one. It feels pretty much like playing Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver. I don’t think I’ve been faced with such profoundly unappealing monologues since I stopped listening to the other voices in my head. Which reminds me, I’m running low on aluminum foil and down to my last hat.
Unfortunately, given my distinct lack of omnipotence, there is not much that could be considered within my control. I’ve a sneaking suspicion you may find yourselves similarly restricted. Way of the road. What is a young, sexually ambivalent werewolf just trying to make it in the city and look hot in heels at the same time to do? I don’t know. For the rest of us try reading the piece below. Why does she want to look hot in heels if she’s sexually ambivalent? Why is Doug Ford a candidate for higher office? It’s a confusing time to be alive.
“Take It Queasy”, June 6, 2018
Mental indigestion does not gurgle
That said, it may your sanity burgle
Doses of Pepto for a troubled mind
Are treating yourself in ways that are kind
Put on something fuzzy, grab a good book
Hot chocolate, cozy into a nook
Turn on your favorite funny movie
If inclined, maybe get a tad groovy
Breathe deep, exhale long, recapture your zen
Remember that little’s beyond your ken
Pet your dog, cat, kid, self, husband or wife
Recall all that’s grande in your epic life.
As is often the case the last two lines of that selection are by far my favorites.
Taking care of yourself isn’t just for when you’re sick. Exercise, nutrition, self-love, (get your mind out of the gutter!), and unusually frequent masturbation are essential. Maybe cross off that last one.
Be kind to yourselves! If you still have time please feel welcome to try being kind to some other losers as well!
-Alex Blaikie
Dread Poets Sobriety 
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