Dread Poets Sobriety

My problem with sushi is this; I instantaneously panic when a single molecule of seaweed gently caresses the edge of my baby toe, why in the name of whoever would I place it into my mouth willingly?

Opening joke aside I have a few topics to cover today of a less amusing nature.

Russia? WTF? Ukraine may not be a country soon? That’s according to their top security official.  Even with annexation of Crimea and yet ANOTHER sickening gay purge in Chechnya, (we all know you’re Russia!) left out of the argument, can we not at least try to defer WW3 for a while further? It’s too late for me to learn medicine or piloting and my lifestyle is not cohesive with combat warfare! Putin, you’re a fucking criminal despot. Your country has one of the saddest histories of any and you have a chance to ameliorate the lives of your people. Instead you’re using it exclusively to enrich yourself and your allies. Shame upon you, dumpster person. Enjoy being reincarnated as your tiny colony’s smallest dung beetle. Na Zdorovie!

China? WTF? I get it, we pissed you off by arresting Ms. Meng. However, as I understand it, she seems guilty AF. I really am sorry but it was absurdly obvious that the following arrests of Canadians were politically tied as was the retrial and subsequent capital sentence applied to another Canadian national. Fair’s fair, that dude also seems quite guilty but the original 15 years would likely have been sufficient. Plus, given China’s refusal to assist in any way with Fentanyl trafficking it comes across as particularly disingenuous.

Karen Pence? WTF? You work at a school that explicitly bans LGBT teachers AND students. Your husband took to a podium earlier today to claim that ISIS has once again been defeated. Well, thank goodness for that. Of course, American soldiers were just killed in Syria, by ISIS, literally hours before. Point being, I get it, your immediate counsel is filled with morons and imbeciles, and those are the reliable ones, but get your shit together. It’s fucking 2019, how is this different from segregating a school board by ANY OTHER DEMOGRAPHIC? I feel like Brown v The Board of Education may have been a couple of years ago now. For fuck’s sakes.

My favorite hat is the one that says, “Make Orwell Fiction Again!”. Could we please? I’ll concede the march of humanity has always left trailing behind, a slug-like toxic stain which disproportionately poisons the undeserving, but holy hell does it seem brazen these days. The bar is so low you have to dig for it, you dig?

Well, I should probably go have a drink or perhaps enjoy a book with pictures. Next time I’ll make an effort to examine less systemically crippling subject matter. Either way though, I’ll be seeing you.

Happy Trails and Waggy Tales!

-Alexander Blaikie

Were you expecting poetry in this poetry blog? Too bad. You should probably grow accustomed to disappointment. 🙂