Good day, dear friends and readers. It is, as always, an absolute honour to have you here. It’s terrible opening joke time!
From which condition does a lizard who cannot get ahold of Viagra suffer?
…
E-Reptile Dysfunction.
Booooooo! That’s what I love about “dad jokes”. The worse they are the better it becomes. For me, I mean. Also, I’m not much of a biologist but am relatively confident lizards do not reproduce in that manner. Do they even have a penis to dysfunct? Do not look up whether “dysfunct” is a word, it totally is. Trust me, bro.
Biologist Alex here, Lizards AND snakes have not one but TWO penises called Hemipenes which may or may not be my new favourite concept. Also, alligators are perpetually erect. Just tossing that in there, which, incidentally, is precisely what the alligator said. Where the hell are we going here?
Umm, let’s move on! Today’s poem is a bit different. Generalizing my work greatly many of the pieces tell a story. Incoherent, perhaps unintelligible even, but theoretically a story nonetheless. I suppose, thinking about it deeper now, this is no exception simply told out of order. It’s like the tide but the mission is to implode the moon. Halt the unhaltable. Stop that which “cannot” be cessated. A ten-tonne metronome swinging Prestissimo-style brought to a standstill by a mere thought. Confused? Good, as am I.
Thank you again for being here and please enjoy!
“The Void”, July 1, 2024.
Shivering, alone
Destitute and hopeless
But always still
At the very corner of vision
A siren’s light
Gently beckoning weightlessness
A door, a mirror
The beginning to an end
Alpha-omega entwined
Fully merged and submerged
The voices mercifully silent
Finally in agreement
The path forwards
No longer twisting worms
But a straight line
Lights marking the road
Blessed succour
Shred of transient peace
Why must the price
Be everything
Losing to win
A bracing step backwards
Preludes the charge
Forward movement
Into unknown terrain
Scared, scarred
But all are still one
Purpose and identity
Once deeply shrouded
Slowly deciphered
Conscience and cognizance
Slowly chipped away
The marble slate
Once a formless block
Now static perfection
Unattainable, uncouth, immaculate
Source of self-marginalization
Forever in our own way
Single path but blundering gait
Burdens must first be put to rest
Examined and most vitally, permitted
Curiosity, forgiveness, acceptance
There is nothing else
In this we ultimately stand alone
Before the breaking dawn
Silent as the invisible, pulsing agony
Ruptures peace’s bulwark once more
Thus the cycle begins anew
Sadness and desperation
Disturbing lack of grace
The snake devouring its tail
That light we burned
Consumed us all.
Be honest, you’re still thinking about the hemipeni, aren’t you?
I’ll let you go back and forth with that for a while. I may do a dedicated post to dissect some of what I consider to be the more salient details at some unspecified future time. However, for now, I wish you all a day of blessing and joy. There’s certainly a lot fucked up in the world right now but if love cannot solve it, I recommend more love. At the least, let’s try not to hate, there is surely zero upside. May you know joy.
Happy Trails and Waggy Tales,
-Alex Blaikie
Dread Poets Sobriety 
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